Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
