hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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