Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
