She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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