who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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