He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
