walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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