You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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