so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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