they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
