She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
