when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she told me i tasted like america
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize