Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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