the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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