Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
