Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
