I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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