cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
