I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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