you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
