id be glad to
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
