I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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