I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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