Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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