ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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