i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
