Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
