Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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