Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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