apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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