worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
