The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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