It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
