naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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