he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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