I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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