Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
