OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
pray to the hookup gods
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
