you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
