Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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