I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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