Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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