it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
