so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
