Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
