My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
