After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
