I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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