??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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