Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
