Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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