I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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