by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
