found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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