This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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