"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
