Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
