He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
What drink are we having for lunch?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
