I want to make a zoo with you.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He? As in you personified your dick?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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