There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
