Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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