Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
