I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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