I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
