dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
