So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
