i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
