I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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