No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize