moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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